so I have come to the conclusion what everyone has been telling me all this while-- men just like to have fun and are selfish, they really dont care about anyone's feelings. Just have fun while they can and then move on....
USELESS
USELESS
Saturday, 29 October 2016
Wednesday, 3 August 2016
Now I just feel that you lied because you were unable to handle the relationship or whatever it was, will certainly not call it relationship since it was only three weeks old and would probably have not been around had we been in a different environment, but here the usage of the word is without the connotations that it generally holds , it is for want of a better word. even if you are not married the fact of the matter stays that you lied, you are not brave enough to admit that you would be unable to handle things or brave enough to give it a try and no matter what this is the relationship i dont want but presently I am having a difficult time to deal with it.
Wednesday, 27 July 2016
Why
Why do I miss you so much when you don't?
Why did I open myself up to you when you didn't even care?
Why did I care for you when all you were looking for was a good time?
Why do I still crave for a mail from you when I know you will not respond?
Why do I shed my tears for someone who has done nothing but hurt me?
Why did I think that maybe this could go somewhere while all the time you were married?
Why do I still want to trust when you were not honest about your marital status?
Why do I care even now when I know I don't want a guy who cannot take pride in his relationship with me?
Why do I miss you so much when you don't?
Why did I open myself up to you when you didn't even care?
Why did I care for you when all you were looking for was a good time?
Why do I still crave for a mail from you when I know you will not respond?
Why do I shed my tears for someone who has done nothing but hurt me?
Why did I think that maybe this could go somewhere while all the time you were married?
Why do I still want to trust when you were not honest about your marital status?
Why do I care even now when I know I don't want a guy who cannot take pride in his relationship with me?
Sunday, 3 July 2016
Three Days in Mukteshwar
Waking up at 4 am on Wednesday to catch a train at 6 am from the New Delhi Railway Station, was the beginning of this travel-- A travel I looked forward to as well as well dreaded. Looked forward as this would take my mind off things but dreaded since this was with my office colleagues with whom I am yet forge a bond even after 3 years. I have absolutely no clue if this is because I have not really made the effort to do so or if this is in general me and I am not comfortable around them. But the moral of the story was I was taking this travel to avoid a lot of things...
We reached Mukteshwar at 2:00 pm after a two hours bus drive from Kathgodam station through some of the most picturesque forests that I have seen on the slopes of the Himalayas.
Then came the difficult part of selecting rooms and partners, there were rooms and tents. Only one from the ladies was interested in living in the tents so I decided to tag along with her.
well, the tents happened to be devoid of plug points and also the washrooms were away from the tent, after which I was in a double mind but then my roommate provoked me into staying in the tent and I decided to do it.
But being skeptical of the cold I asked for another blanket just in case I feel cold, yes we had to use quilts at night even in June- July there. the night was peaceful, woke up at 7:00 in the morning and decided to go for a uphill run. Now Mukteshwar is at an altitude of 7500 ft so it needs some acclimatization before we can do this but I had only two days so could not have wasted acclimatizing to the weather, could I? So I ran up as much (more like little) I could and then saw a temple so decided to trek upto it, like a little trek and then while coming down I ran full speed, with the momentum adding to my speed it was speeds that I have never experienced, literally could feel the air in my hair!!! haann experience!!!
Did I mention that my roommate chickened out after the first night so the second night I was alone in my tent but then I enjoy these...
Dozed off at 10:00 pm that night after reading "Room on the Roof" for some time and woke up at 12:30 am to the sound of pattering rain, one can hear everything considering that the hill are quiet and the tents do not have sound proofing to mitigate anything. Then my thoughts were as long as the tent is not dripping I am not moving to the room and lo and behold I was fast asleep in the next five minutes!!
Woke up early the next day since I again wanted to go running uphill and downhill and had also identified a patch of green mountain that I wanted to walk up so I refused to go the temple where five others were going but alas it was raining even in the morning so my plan was watered away (literally). The rain also brought the clouds right into our face which was another first for me. I have never felt clouds in my face or stood above them ever in my life.
The trip was fun since it gave me some time off a lot of things on my head and I love the tents!!!
Pics attached!!
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Friday, 17 June 2016
SANDEE Summer School
Saturday marked the end of the first week and also the day before my empirical presentation. The entire gang decided to go shopping, knowing myself I knew this would be a bad choice for me but part of the reason being I did not want to screw up the opportunity I had and my supervisor had introduced me as his student to Anu...Second week saw Prof. Partha Dasgupta taking the lectures on Common Property Resources and with strict instructions being given to read at least one reading given and not paid heed to resulted in the entire lecture going over head and finishing of the toffees on the table. So decided to read the papers given in order to understand the lectures but there is only so much that can be read if after 5:30, there is running to be done till 6:30-6:45 and then to sit by the pond and under the moon till 7:30 (I would be famished by then so would not tolerate to sit by the pond once the food is open) but then food would finish only 9:00 (I never thought there could be someone who could eat more slowly than I did) which was followed by a walk till 9:30-9:45 and then random requests to listen to "Chura liya". Well despite all this I managed to read one paper and understand half his lectures and was quite glad for it.
Then came the day of the welcome dinner, ten days into the course :)- the day of a lot of random pics and completely random nonsensical talk. I mean this was the group we were with the entire day for the past ten days but there was still so much amusement to see each other in formals, it was like school, when in class 12 everyone is dressed in formals during their farewell and you are excited to see your old classmates in a new attire. But somehow the boys always managed to be always late hmmm.
Then came Dr. Maximilian Auffhammer and Dr. Somanathan's lectures. To say the least I enjoyed Dr. Somanathan's lectures a lot. I have to give it to him, he has patience, I mean the man got questioned every time he opened his mouth to start the lecture for a continuous five minutes. He did say I am not clear on the methodology then why would you question him on the methodology but the defense came well we need to know how much of the methodology does he not know. I've got to give it to you for your cheekiness nonetheless. Ohh ! and I forgot to mention who asks questions that are 500 words and then apologise for them, I mean you have a question ask, why apologise, if you feel bad about asking then don't ask, it is pretty simple. But to each his own, if Dr. Somanathan is not irritated who am I to think about it? The friday of the second week was the designated outing, this was a picnic. having studied in an Army School, we hardly went for picnics in school and to go for one in summer School was completely un-thought of.
This was one of the best performances that I have ever seen, not that I have seen many. Coming back to AIT meant that we were tired and hungry but Anu had enough stock of snacks to ensure that we had our stomachs full and also kiddish fun of clicking each other's sleeping photographs. I cannot imagine how could 26 people who are working actually act so kiddish, not that I am complaining , It was amazing for me as I could be a child without feeling like a misfit. I do have a photograph to treasure this memory. Next day being a saturday was another off day but since I had understood absolutely in Dr. Auffhammer's lectures and the assignments were piling up I decided to stay in AIT again and venture out only in the evening, so it was Anu, Dr. Somanathan, Prasada and I who were left in AIT that morning. But we had to play to TT and basketball before we could go anywhere, so after having reached a consensus that we will play TT and then go, I was sleepy, I think throughout the summer school the two most dominant feelings that I had were sleepy and hungry.
Alright, so Prasada and I got ready to go, I asked someone else if they would be willing to come along and the answer that I got was a first for me-- I will not enjoy with the two of you!!!
I agree I do hold the award of being the most boring person in my family but they have been nice enough not to say that on my face, but that was the end of our plan to go out because i was sleepy again after this, I think that was my mechanism to wash this through.
And then began the third week, the week that it started to dawn on me that this is ending but there were still memories to be treasured, while I was sad that it was coming to an end, I still wanted to make the most of what was left both in terms of memories and learnings.
This week also saw Prasda and I getting relegated to the last bench maybe because we asked a lot of questions but that did not stop me from asking them, I just had to shout across the lecture room now, but that's fine.
But by this time I think everyone had realized that it was time to pack and go back so we were all counting our days in that school.
But like all good things this too came to an end but before it gave me a million memories and lessons as well to cherish for a lifetime. A sincere wish from my heart is to maintain these friendships over the rest of my life, I dont know I just believe that these guys would be those few who rejoice in each other's successes and pull each other up when down, well certainly not all but a few. But even if this does not happen, I think these three weeks have given me lot to be thankful for.
Well here ends the narrative part of the School, I know I have skipped a lot and by no means do these two posts do any justice to the time spent there. Well I will try and articulate my head better ...
Saturday marked the end of the first week and also the day before my empirical presentation. The entire gang decided to go shopping, knowing myself I knew this would be a bad choice for me but part of the reason being I did not want to screw up the opportunity I had and my supervisor had introduced me as his student to Anu...Second week saw Prof. Partha Dasgupta taking the lectures on Common Property Resources and with strict instructions being given to read at least one reading given and not paid heed to resulted in the entire lecture going over head and finishing of the toffees on the table. So decided to read the papers given in order to understand the lectures but there is only so much that can be read if after 5:30, there is running to be done till 6:30-6:45 and then to sit by the pond and under the moon till 7:30 (I would be famished by then so would not tolerate to sit by the pond once the food is open) but then food would finish only 9:00 (I never thought there could be someone who could eat more slowly than I did) which was followed by a walk till 9:30-9:45 and then random requests to listen to "Chura liya". Well despite all this I managed to read one paper and understand half his lectures and was quite glad for it.
Then came the day of the welcome dinner, ten days into the course :)- the day of a lot of random pics and completely random nonsensical talk. I mean this was the group we were with the entire day for the past ten days but there was still so much amusement to see each other in formals, it was like school, when in class 12 everyone is dressed in formals during their farewell and you are excited to see your old classmates in a new attire. But somehow the boys always managed to be always late hmmm.
Then came Dr. Maximilian Auffhammer and Dr. Somanathan's lectures. To say the least I enjoyed Dr. Somanathan's lectures a lot. I have to give it to him, he has patience, I mean the man got questioned every time he opened his mouth to start the lecture for a continuous five minutes. He did say I am not clear on the methodology then why would you question him on the methodology but the defense came well we need to know how much of the methodology does he not know. I've got to give it to you for your cheekiness nonetheless. Ohh ! and I forgot to mention who asks questions that are 500 words and then apologise for them, I mean you have a question ask, why apologise, if you feel bad about asking then don't ask, it is pretty simple. But to each his own, if Dr. Somanathan is not irritated who am I to think about it? The friday of the second week was the designated outing, this was a picnic. having studied in an Army School, we hardly went for picnics in school and to go for one in summer School was completely un-thought of.
This was one of the best performances that I have ever seen, not that I have seen many. Coming back to AIT meant that we were tired and hungry but Anu had enough stock of snacks to ensure that we had our stomachs full and also kiddish fun of clicking each other's sleeping photographs. I cannot imagine how could 26 people who are working actually act so kiddish, not that I am complaining , It was amazing for me as I could be a child without feeling like a misfit. I do have a photograph to treasure this memory. Next day being a saturday was another off day but since I had understood absolutely in Dr. Auffhammer's lectures and the assignments were piling up I decided to stay in AIT again and venture out only in the evening, so it was Anu, Dr. Somanathan, Prasada and I who were left in AIT that morning. But we had to play to TT and basketball before we could go anywhere, so after having reached a consensus that we will play TT and then go, I was sleepy, I think throughout the summer school the two most dominant feelings that I had were sleepy and hungry.
Alright, so Prasada and I got ready to go, I asked someone else if they would be willing to come along and the answer that I got was a first for me-- I will not enjoy with the two of you!!!
I agree I do hold the award of being the most boring person in my family but they have been nice enough not to say that on my face, but that was the end of our plan to go out because i was sleepy again after this, I think that was my mechanism to wash this through.
And then began the third week, the week that it started to dawn on me that this is ending but there were still memories to be treasured, while I was sad that it was coming to an end, I still wanted to make the most of what was left both in terms of memories and learnings.
This week also saw Prasda and I getting relegated to the last bench maybe because we asked a lot of questions but that did not stop me from asking them, I just had to shout across the lecture room now, but that's fine.
But by this time I think everyone had realized that it was time to pack and go back so we were all counting our days in that school.
But like all good things this too came to an end but before it gave me a million memories and lessons as well to cherish for a lifetime. A sincere wish from my heart is to maintain these friendships over the rest of my life, I dont know I just believe that these guys would be those few who rejoice in each other's successes and pull each other up when down, well certainly not all but a few. But even if this does not happen, I think these three weeks have given me lot to be thankful for.
Well here ends the narrative part of the School, I know I have skipped a lot and by no means do these two posts do any justice to the time spent there. Well I will try and articulate my head better ...
Tuesday, 14 June 2016
Summer School 2016
The Summer school began on May 8, 2016 and lasted only a three weeks but has given me memories to last a lifetime. By my saying this, it does not mean that it was not rigorous. There were lectures from 9:00-5:30 followed by assignments, empirical paper presentations and our concept note presentations so this was pretty rigorous and since it was in Thailand, the food was ... (well the hotel staff did their best to give us South Asian food) so lets just keep it at "Thai flavoured south Asian food" as Anu called it.
I have never acted in class like I did there since school, the patience of Profs especially Mani Ji was amazing, literally treating me like a child. Anu knowing that I am a introvert (being told so by my supervisor) ensured that I was comfortable, sitting with me during food, ensuring the vegetarians get something to eat, she was quite the mother.
They wanted to put a Pakistani as my roommate but that was not to be, so I had Sharmind (Bangladesh) as my roommate and I could not have asked for anybody else. She would listen to my absolute nonsense in the dead of the night.
It was the after 5:30 that actually made it the best. The Profs themselves would encourage us to go and play and work later. Games included Basketball, TT, running, walking to the Golf course and then food from 7:30 - 9:00. The staff actually asked us to empty the dining hall quite a few times followed by after dinner walk.
Assignments entailing simple optimization would take two hours because there would be 8 of us huddled on a table that could sit 5 and answers would range from the bribing the albatross to fish for the human stranded on the island in order to maximise his utility and a lot of other nonsense on who cooks rotis.... Answers would get an addendum to the tune of "Are they making fun of our intelligence?"
Lectures were amazing since Profs had immense patience and Anu made the mistake of putting me on the first bench, so I always held soliloquy with myself and audible to the lecturer which I am sure was most disturbing but they would respond to this nonsense of mine and when good sense would prevail on me was followed by a string of "haan, haan, haan, haan" which again became a thing of amusement, much to my amusement as well but then was told to the SANDEE director as well ... that is my claim to fame (or notoriety) in this school.
to be continued...
I have never acted in class like I did there since school, the patience of Profs especially Mani Ji was amazing, literally treating me like a child. Anu knowing that I am a introvert (being told so by my supervisor) ensured that I was comfortable, sitting with me during food, ensuring the vegetarians get something to eat, she was quite the mother.
They wanted to put a Pakistani as my roommate but that was not to be, so I had Sharmind (Bangladesh) as my roommate and I could not have asked for anybody else. She would listen to my absolute nonsense in the dead of the night.
It was the after 5:30 that actually made it the best. The Profs themselves would encourage us to go and play and work later. Games included Basketball, TT, running, walking to the Golf course and then food from 7:30 - 9:00. The staff actually asked us to empty the dining hall quite a few times followed by after dinner walk.
Assignments entailing simple optimization would take two hours because there would be 8 of us huddled on a table that could sit 5 and answers would range from the bribing the albatross to fish for the human stranded on the island in order to maximise his utility and a lot of other nonsense on who cooks rotis.... Answers would get an addendum to the tune of "Are they making fun of our intelligence?"
Lectures were amazing since Profs had immense patience and Anu made the mistake of putting me on the first bench, so I always held soliloquy with myself and audible to the lecturer which I am sure was most disturbing but they would respond to this nonsense of mine and when good sense would prevail on me was followed by a string of "haan, haan, haan, haan" which again became a thing of amusement, much to my amusement as well but then was told to the SANDEE director as well ... that is my claim to fame (or notoriety) in this school.
to be continued...
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