Sun

Sun begins its ascent, quiet and alone
In the dead of the night
with darkness all around
trying to fill one crevice of the earth with its light
slowly, one crevice at a time
sun rises to be a red ball just visible up at the horizon
The ball continues
trying hard to comes into our homes
little in the beginning
The ball slowly envelopes the entire sky
The sky ablaze with its fiery fury
Some rejoice and grow
while others shrivel up and die
It continues like this throughout the day
only to realize, the sun is losing its sheen
It is once again an ochre ball that it was
The once, all encompassing Sun
is now dwarfed by the skyscrapers around
Once again diminishing behind the horizon
and that sadly is the truth of our lives too
But wait, there is another truth, just as much true
The Sun sets only to rise the next day

It happened for the first time

You came late
I met your empty chair first, sitting next to me
The glances of ridicule that I threw at that chair
Not knowing that the owner would become a close friend
Not knowing that a simple thing as wanting a partner to run or play with would lead to so much

There you were,
sitting next to me
waiting at the dining table
The runs,
The walks across the golf course
The sittings by the pond
Watching the moon before dinner

In all of this I never realized that something had clicked
That I also wanted your company
That I enjoyed your company
That my eyes looked for you when you were not to be found
That my heart was disappointed when I saw you sitting at a table with no empty seat

But I was not the one to show my emotions
I was not sure if that would be correct
But in spite of my efforts, my feelings for you grew
I decided to let them show
I delved into some personal questions about you just to be sure that I am not encroaching on someone else's territory
Once satisfied, my heart skipped a beat, overjoyed
There, it happened for the first time

There we were
Looking for each other
Waiting at the dining table
Caring for each other
Those long walks when we never realized when the others were no longer walking with us
Those talks when we never realized that others had stopped following us long time back

For the first time it had happened
For the first time I had bared open my heart to someone

Days of leaving were drawing closer
and so were we

The last day there was a knot in my stomach
cajoled myself that we can continue this
I shook my hand with you as it was time to depart
Though all I wanted was some more time with you
But you wanted a hug and not a handshake
There we were
You tightened your embrace, I did not relent
It happened for the first time

While the geographical distance between us disrupted the walks and dinner time
The talks were uninterrupted

But there was still something amiss about you
That nagging feeling that I had always had
That this was too good to be true
I told myself to question you on it after a month

But you had a surprise up your sleeve
and you sprang it after a week
and left me devastated
It happened for the first time

My logic left me
My head was not sure what happened
and yes, all this too happened for the first time

Months down the line
I still try to make sense of it
At times, asking why would you do this to me?
At times, asking why I can't get over you?
At times, asking why I still cringe for you?
At times, asking why I don't feel angry at you treating me the way you did?

But these are all questions, unanswered
There is still something amiss
Still that nagging feeling about you
But alas, I can do no more

Months down the line
I feel maybe all that care and longing was only one sided
Months down the line
What hurts me more is not that you hurt me
But, that I wont be able to trust you anymore
And yes, this too has happened for the first time